Andy Clarke || 37 || Employee at Big Rico’s Pizza / Wheat and Wheat By-Products Dealer || FC: Stephen Merchant || TAKEN OC
“In other news, wheat and wheat by-products are still illegal. The Sheriff’s Secret Police has asked me to remind everyone about that, especially you, Andy Clarke. Remember, Andy Clarke, wheat and wheat by-products are illegal.”
A self-described “purveyor of specialized culinary goods”, Andy Clarke has made a name for himself as one of Night Vale’s more reliable wheat and wheat by-product dealers. After the horrible incident that caused all the wheat and wheat by-products to be outlawed by the City Council, the ever-enterprising Andy saw a way to turn a profit. Although he works at Big Rico’s Pizza, he now runs a side business selling cereal, bread, and boxes of pasta. He’s narrowly escaped the notice of the Secret Police on more than one occasion, and although they have never conclusively proved that Andy deals wheat, they have their suspicions.
He often stops by the Night Vale radio station to collect and creatively repurpose the dead-eyed messenger children from the City Council. Somehow, he’s coerced a few to work as his assistants and deliver assorted wheat and wheat by-products to furtive customers all over Night Vale. When he’s not running a cutthroat wheat-dealing business, Andy enjoys watercolor painting and crochet.